Each month, Jason Fortner spotlights one or more musical theatre composers and/or lyricists, offering his own unique perspective on the songwriting legends of musical theatre. Send your comments/questions on this column to happgood@aol.com.

As we enter another February I thought it might be fun to look at the various ways Valentine’s Day is mentioned and/or celebrated in Broadway musicals. This loving look at the holiday of romance examines the way February 14th has influenced Broadway writers over the years.

Of course, any look at V-Day couldn’t start without the biggest of them all, the song “My Funny Valentine” from Rodgers & Hart’s BABES IN ARMS. This oft performed and recorded song has been sung in every possible variation, but its poignant lyric and lilting melody still hold true today. Here’s the lyric:

Behold the way our fine feathered-friend
his virtue doth parade.
Thou know-est not my dim witted friend,
the picture Thou hast made.
Thy vacant brow and thy tousled hair
Conceal thy good intent.
Thou noble upright, truthful, sincere
And slightly dopey gent- you’re…

My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart

You looks are laughable, un-photographable
Yet you're my favorite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little bit weak?
When you open it to speak, are you smart?

But don't change your hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is Valentine's Day.

Violinist Joshua Bell & company accompany Kristin Chenoweth in a lovely rendition of MY FUNNY VALENTINE from the video "Joshua Bell & Friends."

Mention of Valentines is also made in a tune by Kander & Ebb. Written for FLORA, THE RED MENACE, “Dear Love” is a song in which young Flora hopes that her friend Harry might claim her as his Valentine on this very special day. As sung by young Liza Minnelli, it is especially wistful indeed… Here’s the lyric:

Dear Love, will you say be my Valentine?
Dear Love, are you maybe my Valentine?
This day, will forever be written on this heart of mine
If this day, I’ll be your Valentine…
 

If that room of there were mine I’d bolt the door and only allow
My Harry in…
Furthermore I’d wear a sign, a sign that says this property is
Property of Comrade H. Toukarian.

Dear Love… Dear Love…
Dear Love… Dear Love…

This day, will forever be written on this heart of mine
If this day, I’ll be your Valentine…

Oh the way that you feel on the first day of May
Is the way I could feel on this fourteenth day of February…
I mean happy, very

Dear Love… Dear Love…
Dear love!

Other characters mention valentines in their show lyrics, sometimes positively, sometimes the opposite. Mabel Normand mentions them in her reprise of “I Won’t Send Roses” in MACK & MABEL. Here’s what she sings:

So who needs roses
Or stuff like that?
So who wants chocolates?
They'd make me fat.
And I can get along just fine
Without a gushing Valentine
And I'll get by, kid
With just the guy, kid
And if he calls me
And it's collect
Sir Walter Raleigh
I don't expect
And though I know I may be left
Out on a limb
So who needs roses
That didn't come from him.

Frank Loesser mentions Valentine’s in the song “The Company Way” from his HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING. A duet between young Finch and Mr. Twimble, head of the Mail Room, the mention is brief but fun. Here it is:

FINCH:
Your face is a company face...

MR. TWIMBLE:
It smiles at executives
Then goes back in place!

FINCH:
The company furniture...

MR. TWIMBLE:
It suits me fine!

FINCH:
The company letterhead...

MR. TWIMBLE:
A Valentine!

Robert Morse & Sammy Smith in "The Company Way" from the film version of HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING

French writer and performer Jacques Brel mentions a Valentine in the song “Funeral Tango”, featured in the revue JACQUES BREL IS ALIVE AND WELL AND LIVING IN PARIS. Here’s the lyric excerpt:

Ah, I can see them all
So formal and so stiff
Like a sergeant-at-arms
At the policeman's ball
And everybody's pushing
To be the first in line
Their hearts upon their sleeves
Like a ten-cent valentine
The old women are there
Too old to give a damn
They even brought the kids
Who don't know who I am
They're thinking about the price
Of my funeral bouquet
What they're thinking isn't nice
'Cause now they'll have to pay
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha - ha, ha, ha

Far less intense is the lyric to “Three Coins In a Fountain”, which features prominently in the long running show FOREVER PLAID. In it the boys sing these lyrics:

Three coins in the fountain
Each one seeking happiness
Thrown by three hopeful lovers
Which one will the fountain bless?

Three hearts in the fountain
Each heart longing for it's home

There they lie in the fountain
Somewhere in the heart of Rome

Which on will the fountain bless?
Which one will the fountain bless?

Three coins in the fountains
Through the ripples how they shine

Just one wish will be granted
One heart will wear a Valentine.

Another musical theater song that features a valentine in its’ lyric is the song “The Moon Is On The Sea”, from the Gershwin’s musical OH, KAY! Here’s the lyric:

The moon is on the sea.
The sea is where we'd be.
The darkness is no menace -
It's as though you were in Venice.
Oh, we hope the water's warm
When we go to perform.
You need no sunburn lotion
For a lovely midnight ocean,
So for moonlight bathing each night we appear;
And there's another reason why we're here:

Bathing underneath the moon
Beats the morn or afternoon.
There's no crowd a-cluttering the sand;
You will find the solitude is grand.
Water sporting in the dark -
What cavorting! What a lark!
So won't you step out with us some midnight soon,
And do your bathing 'neath the moon.

The moon is on the sea.
The sea is where we'd be.
The water may be fishy
But it peps you up like Vichy.
Bring along your valentine,
And join us in the brine;
Come on, the water's fine!

Jule Styne and Bob Merrill pulled on the word when writing “If A Girl Isn’t Pretty” for the Fanny Brice musical FUNNY GIRL. Here’s how it works in that context, sung by the character of “Eddie”:

If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City,
She should dump the stage
And try another route.
Any guy who pays a quarter
For a seat just feels he oughter
See a figger that his wife can't
Substitute.

Kid, my heart ain't made of marble
But your rhythm's really horr'ble
And that map of yours just ain't no
Valentine.
Everything you got's about right,
But the damn thing don't come out right
So forget it, kid,
And just resign.

The stage musical THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE has a song entitled “Gimme, Gimme” which also uses the Saint Valentine reference, as sung by Millie. Here’s the section:

Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I'm free now
Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I see now
Fly, dove! Sing, sparrow!
Gimme Cupid's famous arrow
Gimme, gimme that thing called love

I don't care if he's a nobody
In my heart he'll be a somebody
Somebody to love me!

I need it
Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I want it
Here I am, St. Valentine
My bags are packed, I'm first in line
Aphrodite, don't forget me
Romeo and Juliet me
Fly, dove! Sing, sparrow!
Gimme fat boy's famous arrow
Gimme, gimme that thing called love!

THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE star Sutton Foster performing "Gimme Gimme" on The Rosie O'Donnell Show in 2002.

Even Disney got into the Valentine kick with a silly tune entitled “The Monkey’s Uncle”, penned for the film of the same name and written by the Sherman Brothers. Here is a section of that unforgettable lyric, sung famously by Annette Funicello with the Beach Boys as backup:

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
On the day he marries me
What a nutty family tree
A bride, a groom, a chimpanzee

Let them say he's the booby prize
She loves the monkey's uncle!
He's the guy I idolize
She loves the monkey's uncle!
Love all his monkey shines
Every day is Valentine's
I love the monkey's uncle
And the monkey's uncle's ape for me
Ape for me!

Uh-Huh!
She loves the monkey's uncle!
Yeah! Yeah!
She loves the monkey's uncle!
Whoa! Whoa!
She loves the monkey's uncle!
And I'm mad about his chimpanzee!

The name Valentine or mention of it is used throughout show business, including such diverse shows as TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA, YOU’RE A GOOD MAN CHARLIE BROWN, and even as the last name of title character SWEET CHARITY.

Today I’ll close with a use that is close to any gambler’s heart, the horse Valentine as mentioned in Frank Loesser’s immortal “Fugue For Tinhorns” from the quintessential Broadway musical, GUYS & DOLLS! Let’s join Benny Southstreet for this bouncy farewell until next month…

BENNY
I'm pickin' Valentine, 'cause on the morning line
A guy has got him figured at five to nine
Has chance, has chance, this guy says the horse has chance
if he says the horse has chance, has chance, has chance

I know it's Valentine, the morning work looks fine
Besides the jockey's brother's a friend of mine
Needs race, needs race, this guy says the horse needs race
If he says the horse needs race, needs race, needs race.
I go for Valentine, 'Cause on the morning line,
The guy has got him figured at five to nine
Has chance, has chance, this guy says the horse has chance
Valentine! I got the horse right here.

Stubby Kaye & company in "Fugue For Tinhorns" from GUYS & DOLLS