Each month, Jason Fortner spotlights one or more musical theatre composers and/or lyricists, offering his own unique perspective on the songwriting legends of musical theatre. Send your comments/questions on this column to happgood@aol.com.

This month's column takes it's title from a homemade musical revue performed in Florida honoring Irving Berlin. I think it sounds a bit silly, but I fully understand their intent.

That said, I wanted to take a look at a handful of my favorite Irving Berlin lyrics in this patriotic month of July. These are in no specific order, just songs I like, created by the wunderkind who never learned to read or write music, could only play on the black keys and created a legacy.

Meredith Patterson & Jeffry Denman in the 2007 City Center Encores production of Irving Berlin's FACE THE MUSIC. "I Say It's Spinach" was part of the score. Source: Meredith Patterson.com

I SAY IT'S SPINACH - Back in 1928 E. B. White drew a cartoon about the new popularity of broccoli in the American diet. In it a baby says "I say it's spinach and to hell with it!". Berlin took this phrase and wrote a song on it, featuring the following lyric:

We must keep smiling and play the game
While life keeps hurrying on
For there was trouble before we came
'Twill be here after we're gone
So we'll just have to prepare
To snap our fingers at care

Long as there's you, long as there's me
Long as the best things in life are free
I say it's spinach and the hell with it
The hell with it, that's all!

Long as I'm yours, long as your mine
Long as there's love and a moon to shine
I say it's spinach and the hell with it
The hell with it, that's all!

There must be rain to pitter-patter
Things don't come on a silver platter
What does it matter?

Long as there's you, long as there's me
Long as the best things in life are free
I say it's spinach and the hell with it
The hell with it, that's all!

Scroll to the bottom of this column hear an audio clip of Peggy Lee performing "Slumming on Park Avenue" from her album "Beside the Zuidr Zee" Source: Amazon.com

LET'S GO SLUMMING - While his "out on the town tunes" like "Steppin' Out With My Baby", "Puttin' On The Ritz" and "Top Hat, White Tie & Tails" may be more famous, my favorite Berlin tune of this ilk is from the film ON THE AVENUE (1937). It's entitled "Let's Go Slumming" and the lyrics are as follows:

Put on your slumming clothes and get your car
Let's go sightseeing where the high-toned people are
Come on, there's lots of fun in store for you
See how the other half lives on Park Avenue

Let's go slumming, take me slumming
Let's go slumming on Park Avenue
Let us hide behind a pair of fancy glasses
And make faces when a member of the classes passes

Let's go smelling where they're dwelling
Sniffing ev'rything the way they do
Let us go to it, they do it
Why can't we do it too?
Let's go slumming, nose thumbing, on Park Avenue

Let's go slumming, take me slumming
Let's go slumming on Park Avenue
Where the social hearts for Broadway lights are throbbing
And they spend their nights in smart cafes hob-nobbing, snobbing

Come let's eye them, pass right by them
Looking down our noses as they do
Let us go to it, they do it
Why can't we do it too?
Let's go slumming, crumb bumming, on Park Avenue

Scroll down to the bottom to hear an audio clip of Ethel Merman performing "You Can't Get A Man With A Gun" Source: Amazon.com

YOU CAN'T GET A MAN WITH A GUN - When asked to come up with a tribute for his 70th Birthday, Stephen Sondheim wrote a list of the 50 Songs He Wished He Had Written. The top comedy song was this one from ANNIE GET YOUR GUN, which lands joke after joke after joke perfectly. I have to agree…

Oh my Mother was frightened by a shotgun, they say,
That's why I'm such a wonderful shot.
I'd be am out in the cactus and I practice all day,
And now tell me what have I got.

I'm quick on the trigger with targets not much bigger
Than a pen point, I'm number one.
But my score with a feller is lower than a cellar-
Oh you can't get a man with a gun.

When I'm with a pistol
I sparkle like a crystal,
Yes, I shine like the morning sun.
But I lose all my luster
When with a Bronco Buster.
Oh you can't get a man with a gun.

With a gun, with a gun,
No, you can't get a man with a gun.

If I went to battle
With someone's herd of cattle
You'd have steak when the job was done.
But if shot the herder,
They'd holler "bloody murder"
And you can't shoot a male
In the tail like a quail
Oh you can't get a man with a gun.

I'm cool, brave and daring
To see a lion glaring
When I'm out with my Remington
But a look from a mister
Will raise a fever blister
Oh you can't get a man with a gun.

The gals with "umbrellars"
Are always out with fellers
In the rain or the blazing sun
But a man never trifles
With gals who carry rifles
Oh you can't get a man with a gun.

With a gun, with a gun,
No, you can't get a man with a gun.
A man's love is mighty
It'll leave him buy a nightie

For a gal who he thinks is fun.
But they don't by pajamas
For Pistol packin' mamas,
And you can't get a hug
From a mug with a slug,
Oh you can't get a man with a gun.

Irving and Ellin Berlin in a 1930 "Vanity Fair" magazine portrait by famed photographer Cecil Beaton. Source: Conde Nast.com

ALL ALONE / WHAT'LL I DO ? - These two pop songs of the 20's reveal the heartfelt longing Mr. Berlin had for his wife to be Ellin, during their forced separation. Both stand on their own as finely crafted ballads, together they can break your heart.

All alone, I'm so all alone
There is no one else but you
All alone by the telephone
Waiting for a ring, a ting-a-ling

I'm all alone every evening
All alone, feeling blue
Wond'ring where you are and how you are
And if you are all alone too

Gone is the romance that was so divine.
tis broken and cannot be mended.
You must go your way,
And I must go mine.
But now that our love dreams have ended...

What'll I do
When you are far away
And I am blue
What'll I do?

What'll I do?
When I am wondring who
Is kissing you
What'll I do?

What'll I do with just a photograph
To tell my troubles to?

When I'm alone
With only dreams of you
That won't come true
What'll I do?

Robert Ryan & Nanette Fabray in the original Broadway production of MR. PRESIDENT Source: Playbill.com

THE SECRET SERVICE - The final entry in this look at Irving the lyricist comes from his final complete Broadway show, the flop musical MR. PRESIDENT. Though hokey as all get out, this number, sung by the President's hot to trot daughter, has stuck with me for decades since my first hearing. It's corny, it's out of fashion (even for 1962), but I can't help but have a good time every time I hear it… Enjoy!

The secret service makes me nervous
When I am dating they are waiting to observe us
When I get ready to hold steady for the kiss you plant
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't

They're always spying, no denying
They're always peeping, gumshoe creeping, private eye-ing
When I'm beginning to give-inning like a maiden aunt
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't

I've been exposed beyond control
Just like a goldfish in a bowl
The President's daughter must drink water
No drink of Scotch, she might do what she hadn't oughter
When I'm ignited, so excited that I start to pant

The secret service makes me nervous
When my lamps are lit and I say "This is it!"
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't

The secret service makes me nervous
Those White House "dicks" get all their kicks when they observe us
Just as I wind up, make my mind up not to say "I won't"
The secret service makes me nervous and I don't

When things look rosy they get nosy
They'll say there's "tootsie" playing "footsie" very cosy
My pulse goes higher, I'm on fire, shaking at the knees
The secret service makes me nervous and I freeze

Whatever I may do or say
Will be reported the next day
They don't see clearly when I'm merely being courted
When I'm just necking, simply pecking with a "Cary Grant"

They stand behind me to remind me
Who and what I am when I don't give a damn
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't